Feelings of Invisibility

As I sit here I am reminded that I have to be the emotionless male. That I have no valid opinion of my own and that I am only useful as a sympathy dispenser. Again and again I bite my tongue to avoid the flack that will be hurled my way if I show myself as having an opinion. I am sick of pointless arguments that stem form me not agreeing with someone’s point of view. It just doesn’t seem to stop till they think I have converted to their opinion so I sit and do nothing. To stubborn to change my opinion, it remains locked in my head. There it circles and I hear the opposing views and the rebuttal argument is formulated but never evoked.

Sometimes I wish I was deaf so I could not hear the contradictions in the arguments presented. The host of the opposing opinion seems quite unaware that I am listening and have done all the time. They seem quite at ease in spilling their opinions thinking that they are in the company of one who agrees as there is no rebuttal forthcoming. But to me there seems no point in refuting a pointless argument. Why do I want to waste emotional resources on a battle that will only end in the acknowledgement to agree to disagree, at best? At worst I have exposed a personal view that I know will be held and used against me as a mud sling in some future argument.

Hence the “catch 22”, as a non remarkable male I am assumed to have no opinion or view of consequence. If I do, then it is deemed to be dangerous and worth of note to use against me later. If you try to speak though your actions they will be ignored, as that requires mental processes and the expenditure of thought on another. Far be it for me to cause a person to shed a thought in my direction.

Again I am a member of the silent masses. With no freakish ability to draw favor to myself I am doomed to walk in the unremarkable, joined by my fellow “unremarkables”. Who, though the exchange in glances, know the turmoil of the other but silently drift by. Isolated and divided in our common pain.